Dear enveme:
I’m 20 years old; a fairly smart, I-think-pretty girl. Friends say I have a good personality, but that I’m too quiet. People keep telling me to ”be myself” and “show who I am.” My problem is, I’m not sure who that is. How do I compete with those girls who are completely sure (and totally loud!) about who they are?
Signed,
Unsure
enveShe says…
Dear Unsure:
It is completely normal for a young adult female to be apprehensive about their personality. You are constantly trying to ‘fit in’ without being a ‘follower’, but have a sense of self. When I was at this age it took me awhile to be sure of who I am, what I stood for, and the values that I held. The way you are able to portray all three characteristics is by confidence, without this is where you lose yourself amongst others.
Although girls can be caddy, this is not a competition and trust me most of those girls are not so sure about themselves, even though it may seem like it to you. You may not be that so-called ‘loud’ person and that is perfectly fine because sometimes taking the ‘low-key’ attitude is what some people like to surround themselves with. When you have confidence it shows automatically when you meet someone. It’s not going to happen overnight, but each day do something to build your self-esteem up. Like for example; you can go up to someone to strike-up a conversation or around your friends give your input when discussing a topic.
Eventually, you will gain that sense of self and what you represent. It takes time and each phase in your life will develop new personality traits and characteristics that will form the person you are.
enveHe says…
Dear Unsure:
Confidence is definitely key to competing with those girls who are totally sure about who they are. You may not have complete confidence in yourself, but if you act like you do and present yourself in a way that shows you are proud of who you are, other people will believe it and take notice.
You can figure out “who you are” just by looking around you; at your family, your friends, your hobbies, the clothes you wear, the music you listen to, etc. What kind of sibling/friend are you? Are you loyal, sweet and compassionate? What are your hobbies? Are you a great runner, imaginative creative writer, or superb photographer? I’m sure that if you sit down and think about it, you will come up with a long list of wonderful qualities and talents that you possess that make you the unique person that you are.
Once you figure out what those qualities and talents are, the confidence will just follow. And if not, you can just be confident that you are the only you out there; therefore, you are the best you there is!
